When a Man is Alone
by Minnoe
Summary: AU. Reiner Braun returns from his mission to infiltrate and destroy the enemy, but can he really return to who he was? When a man is truly alone, his mind creates its own companions.


The first day back was the easiest. The first day, he could go about his routine without thinking, move and live without remembering his actions. His apartment looked exactly the same – of course it did, it wasn't like there was anyone to come by while he was gone. His couch, with that same smell of old leather and dust. His desk, smooth and cool to the touch in the dark corner of his bedroom. His bathroom, narrow and cold.

The division had dropped him off with little fanfare, handing him the first check of his pension and his belongings from the compound. The private had saluted him, and then left without another glance. He was absolutely alone, a lone man holding his belongings on the street, each person passing by him as if he were invisible.

The first ghost came to him as he brushed his teeth in the same mechanical routine that he practised each night. Glancing up into his dimly lit mirror, Reiner saw a lithe, dark-haired man squeezed into the mirror's reflection next to his hulking frame.

"Gee, Reiner," the ghost said with a grin, "You could stand to lighten up a bit. You know, maybe brush your teeth from right to left tonight."

"Eren," the man gasped, dropping his toothbrush under the flow of the sink. He fell heavily against the door, staring at the young man before him. Eren's body seemed to waver and flicker in the dim light, as though unsure of its own presence.

"Reiner," Eren continued, "Why did you have to go and betray us? I thought we were friends."

The blond man slid down the door to cradle his head in his hands. He heard a man crying, but he wasn't sure of the source. "I didn't have a choice, Eren," he murmured, "It was you or us. You or us."

"I thought that you were a part of 'us', Reiner," the ghost whispered, a cold hand wrapped around Reiner's fingers. "Why did you have to do that? Why did you kill all of those people?"

Reiner looked up, shaking. "Because you slaughtered us first," he croaked, his lips dry and cracking, "we tried to help you and you killed us." The man's eyes slid shut, and he collapsed on the tiled floor, alone in the room. "You killed me."

He awoke when the sun broke through the small window in his bathroom. The tile was deathly cold against his cheek, and his neck felt as though he had been dragged though the street by the collar. Pushing himself off the floor, he put the toothbrush back into its holder and turned on the shower.

The hot water felt good against his skin, weathered by sun and war. Staring blankly at the tiles, he washed himself. The soap stung where his skin was cut from his assignment, but he barely noticed. As he exited the shower, he turned to stare at himself in the mirror. Was he handsome? Certainly not now, with dark bags lining his eyes and wrinkles creasing the edges of his face despite his young age. Before, he wouldn't have let himself leave the house in such a state. Now, what did it matter?

Breakfast was cold sausage and milk. Before, he would have made himself a hearty breakfast. Before. Who was that man, that man who came before him? Reiner stared out the window. A young couple strolled on the far side of the street, their heads pressed together as if sharing some secret under the fresh morning sky.

"Aren't they lovely?" Reiner jumped up, sending his chair skittering across the floor. Eren sat next to him peacefully. "What's wrong, Reiner?" The young man stood up, staring into Reiner's eyes. "Don't tell me you're nervous for the training exercise today."

"Training exercise?" Reiner breathed, backing towards the corner of the kitchen where his knives stood proudly in a butcher's block.

Eren laughed, a peal that hung like a fresh breeze in the stale air between them. "Yeah, the training exercise today that's being graded by the officers. Don't tell me you forgot!"

Reiner let out a nervous laugh. So they really were comrades? Had he dreamed up his activity as a spy, his mission to destroy the enemy civilization? "No, I was just a little out of it, I guess."

Eren smiled and stood up, turning towards the door. "Then let's go," he said.

Reiner grunted in agreement and followed behind his teammate. As Eren reached the door, he suddenly stopped, staring down at his feet.

"What's wrong?" Reiner asked.

"I forgot," Eren replied softly. He turned his face and smiled a hollow smile full of grey emptiness. Turning fully, Reiner saw that Eren's arms were fully separated from his body at the elbow, his forearms laying twitching in Reiner's hands.

Reiner let loose a scream, staring at his hands. He fell to his knees, a man alone in a house screaming at his empty hands, surrounded by people and yet completely alone.

Author's Note: Just a little piece I was thinking about tonight. I think that Reiner is the most interesting character in the series, from a psychological standpoint.


End file.
